(I began writing this blog in January...It's now March...I haven't been very good about keeping up...)
26 January marked The Chinese New Year. 2009 isn't yet a month old (see, January...). 5 weeks ago, I wasn't 24. Just over two months ago, I didn't know if I would spend January 5 traveling to Seattle, Rwanda or working in Abilene. A lot has happened in the past 6 months of my life and a lot is new for me.
New Thing #1:
I've started working as the Administrative Coordinator for the ACU Theatre Department. I do lots of administrative things like filing, sending e-mails, creating sign-up lists, organizing schedules and making sure people get paid. There are so many people who are helping me learn how to do this job, and they are all really nice. I am tremendously grateful for them and their patience as I learn.
I have also been hired to direct a 25 minute production for the ACU Honors Murder Mystery Dinner. The show opened February 9 and all-in-all will present 5 shows to prospective students as well as ACU students, faculty and staff. The response has been good, and I'm proud of the way so many at ACU have worked together to make this happen. I have also begun work as Production Manager on the ACU Theatre's spring festival of 10-minute shows, Shorts!. I am organizing 11 student directors who will be directing 11 different plays. It's a large, department production and I'm honored to be working on it -- I hope I can rise to the occasion and do what needs to be done! I've already learned a lot as I've gone about this process!
New Thing #2:
I have moved into a new house. It's a two bedroom duplex with a living space, kitchen and reading room (YES!). Currently I'm living alone (because my best friend who WILL be living with me in August is in Bangladesh), but have great friends who make sure I'm not too lonely. I’m living right down the street from my former roommates and there is a house behind mine in the alley and a friend of mine, Kate, moved in there at the same time I moved into my house. It's great to know my neighbors and feel safe in my house.
New Thing #3:
My church, New Life church of Christ, closed her doors in December. I went to church there almost the entire time I've been in Abilene. The people of New Life I've met there have had a profound impact upon my life and I can't tell you the grief I feel as I think about the end of that church. So, I'm church hopping now: not quite ready to commit to a new one, but getting more and more used to the idea of a different church community. One thing I am really grateful for is that my friend group from New Life hasn't scattered. We still meet together to sing, eat and share about our lives at least twice a week. This is good for my soul.
I've not normally done well with new things. Change is hard for me. I was born 2 weeks late and only greeted the world because the doctor threatened to induce labor and force me out. I stood on the sidelines watching my friends play soccer for a whole season (much to my father's chagrin) before I jumped in to play with them. Once I decided to play, I played with all my might: I ran as fast as I could, kicked as hard as I could, played goalie with all my heart even though I was terrified every time I pulled the "goalie jersey" on.
One of my favorite historical figures is John Adams (that's another blog all together). Besides being an actual human being, he is also the main character in the musical 1776. At the end of the show, he has a realization that pushes him to make the final decision of the play. His wife, Abigail reminds him of something he had said to her, "There are only two people of value on the face of the earth" he said, "those who have a commitment and those who require the commitment of others". I must say I cling to the idea of commitment. Once I decided to come out into the world (my parents can attest to this) I didn't kid around about living. Once I decided to put on that goalie jersey, I did it all the way.
Unfortunately, life doesn't always wait for me to stand on the sidelines for a whole season. I've often, recently, found myself overwhelmed by life: like I'm not quite ready to pull on the goalie jersey but it's being handed to me and there's a ball coming right for my face. Other times, I'm ready: I'm taking the leap of commitment but others don't share my enthusiasm and I find myself grasping alone, wondering if this commitment is, indeed, worth it.
I console myself by thinking that this change won't last forever. Someday stability will come and I'll be able to rest in my commitments, knowing I'm ready and have good support around me. I think, this is just a phase. There HAS been a lot of change in my life. I hear being in your 20s is hard, anyway. Perhaps I will magically feel better when I turn 30. : ) In the meantime, I'm searching for greater stability in the sea of change and listening to this song over and over: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCbuqXZ0Gfo&feature=related
It is "Abide With Me", and reminds me of the Rock that is higher than I.
In case there are others who, reading this, find themselves in this strange, 20-somethings fog, I've listed some other songs that have been helpful to me. They have replayed over and over again on my computer at work (hopefully they haven't been loud enough to annoy my co-workers... :) )
Cat Steven's On the Road to Find Out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ--odAAA1A
Cat Steven's Don't Be Shy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNA5Hw8jlWM
Cat Steven's The Wind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf0VP01JauQ
(I had a good Cat Steven's Day)
Melanie's Look What They've Done to My Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iamNec8kl2o&NR=1
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"Yet He that hath the steerage of my course, direct my sail" - W. Shakespeare
3 comments:
Welcome back to the blagosphere :) It's great to hear what you're up to now! I'm delighted that you and Emily will be living together again soon, and glad that you're still a part of your New Life community. Gosh, I can only imagine what that was like to say goodbye to this church, but I'm thankful that it sounds like you're still doing church with these believers and God will soon lead you to a new home.
Change is hard. I hate making decisions, and like to be able to take my sweet time making decisions, and once I do, I usually committed to them. Other times, I really eager to figure something out, and impatiently want to rush into a decision just so I can relieve the anxiety of not knowing what's next.
I hope that you write more soon :) Also, there is a way to edit the date on your posts, so you could change it to March.
Thanks for the comment, Kelly! It's good to know how others deal with change/decision making.
I'll work on that writing more soon -- and continue to enjoy your blog! :)
I know we talked a bit about the twenty-something fog when I was in Abilene, and I've thought more about it since then. I've been helping my Mom go through stuff she's had forever, and I ran across a letter she wrote to her parents maybe 20 years ago. She was in her mid-thirties and she told them that she finally felt like she had gotten it right...she was happy and content in her life. And I was thinking oh man...do I have to wait that long to stop feeling so out of place?!!? Ha. I sure hope not. But amidst all this blindfolded-tightrope-walking folderol, I think we do have the advantage of really figuring out what we want. Taking time to breathe. I don't think we'll have to go through the regret of not having the freedoms of youth. You know what I mean... it's good to have the opportunity to figure out who you are. I'd like for that to be a rather quick process! Hopefully, we won't have to wait for 30 to be the magic number. :D
This time in our lives is so important to shaping who we are and what we want... I think you are using it wisely.
Love you a lot.
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