Creativity

and Christianity.
I was thinking about creativity and Christianity the other day and these were some thoughts I kicked around:
Why is it that creativity seems so darn important to humans? Why were we made to express? To color, to pretend, to make up? What is it about us that needs -- and wants -- creativity? And, how much should creativity be a part of our work in Christianity? How much should it be a part of our lives in community? Should we, for example, be just as concerned about meeting the artistic needs of the civilization as we are about meeting their dietary needs? I'm not sure. And yet, we were created in the image of a creator. This implies we are -- at least at some level -- made to create.

Would it be ridiculous or soothing, for instance, to offer a coloring sheet and crayons along with a bowl of minestrone to a man who walks through a soup line? How about passing out that same sheet and primary-colored crayons to a congregation as part of a sermon? Or gather around the woman who's been teaching the preschool Sunday school class for the past 3 decades and hear her read a story. Any story. Does it have to be a "Bible story"? I don't think so. God is found in a plethora of places -- most of them unexpected. At least that's my opinion.

In the play Wit by Margaret Edson, the main character, Vivian Bearing, PhD is a feisty, rude, highly intelligent scholar who has been transformed by experimental drugs she's taken to kill the cancer in her body. The drugs have literally destroyed her physical and communicative capacities. Towards the end of the play (when she can do little but lie on the bed and moan) Vivian receives a rare visitor. A former professor, E.M. Ashford, DPhil, stopped by to visit Vivian in her university office and was, instead, directed to the hospital. E.M. Ashford, DPhil, has recently bought "The Runaway Bunny" for her great-grandchild and, having little else to offer, curls up with Vivian and reads her the book. It takes all of 3 minutes to finish the book, but nothing else in the production affects me as much as that moment when creativity is so freely and gently shared. E.M. Ashford, DPhil leaves with the epitaph Shakespeare wrote for his most famous character, Hamlet: "And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." (Cue me to start weeping). It is the most touching moment of the play. At the end of life -- when there is nothing else -- two humans can comfort in another's creative work. Is this moment not a representation of Emmanuel: "God with us"?

The traditional Christmas song Little Drummer Boy explores this theme of creativity connected to Christ even more specifically. A little boy stands among wealthy worshipers who've come to Jesus with "their finest gifts". The little boy, who connected to Jesus because he is "a poor boy, too", can only offer the King of kings a simple song beat out on a drum. He plays his drum -- plays his "best" in fact -- for the baby Jesus and it is at this offering that Emmanuel smiles.

Now, the fact that I revel in this completely non-realistic story (no newborn babe would smile as an 8-year-old bangs on a loud drum) may only be because I, myself, am an artist and think creativity should be important. I hope not. I, instead, have hope that God has gifted us with various ways to communicate and that by using our creativity to share, to love, to encourage and inspire, we are simultaneously pleasing and bringing Emmanuel. Inside that exchange of colors, stories, sounds, images, movements etc. is the Kingdom of God.

Googling Beautiful

I decided to google "beautiful" today. These are what I found:

Sometimes I Just Can't Be the Person I Want to Be

This morning I had three voice mails on my office phone.
One of them was from a professor in our department. The other two were from this boy I've taken to church on Wednesday nights for the past five months. This kid, we'll call him James, is about 12 years old and gets into trouble almost every week. We've had discipline problems with him a lot including a couple weeks ago when he got into a fist fight with another kid. It was quickly stopped, but fighting is never good. So he (and the other kid) were not allowed to return to church the week after that.

Even though he knew that, he called me the next Wednesday and asked if I was going to pick him up. When I tried to explain that he wasn't allowed to go, he got really upset and hung up on me. He then called me back from a number that didn't show up on my caller id and proceeded to pretend that he was his cousin and threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't take him to church. While it's great that this kid wants to go to church so badly, I didn't appreciate being threatened in this way. I talked to some "real adults"/those with authority at the church, but many have been out of town or dealing with other big issues and I've not been able to actually sit down and talk with James or his family.

So the two messages on my phone this morning (from last night): 1.) "Hi Amy...Can you come pick me up for church? This is James. I'm at ____ ____ house and the phone number here is ____ ____ ____".
2.) "Amy. I'm sorry for what I did to you. Will you please come pick me up for church? The phone number is ___ ___ ____".

UGH!

Then, there's "Tiffany" who (at 19) is pregnant with her second child and calling me every day to ask if I can take her to an employment agency to get a job. She doesn't have one because she got mad and walked out on her old one last week. But if I want to keep MY job, I have to be here working and not driving her around.

Then, "Mark" is a man Emily (my roommate) and I used to go to church with who had a stroke and is living in a nursing home. We haven't visited him in weeks and he's written Emily two letters describing his anxiety and sadness at the fact that we haven't been by.

Then, there's the three girls I love to mentor, the girls I occasionally babysit that I've been dying to play with and all my adult friends.

HOW CAN I BE JESUS IN THIS WORLD AND REMAIN SANE?

I feel like I need to give all these other people attention. I care for them. But sometimes I just want to be selfish. And -- practically -- I CAN'T care for all these people the way I want to. I have to choose. Or go insane. And I have to allow time for myself. But knowing that doesn't make it easier to handle when a 12 year old boy leaves a rather pitiful voice mail on my phone. How do I handle that? How do I love these people?

I don't always know what to do.



I suppose that's why it's good I only have to handle this life one day at a time... :)

Peaceful

So I'm working in the ACU box office one afternoon last week and this lady comes in wanting tickets for the musical. She is average height, thin and has white hair that bobs just below her ears. She's very cute.

The most arresting quality about her, though, is her voice. It's soft, a little high pitched, and very peaceful. Very peaceful. I sat here watching her buy tickets from the curly-haired, oblivious sophomore boy sitting next to me. Simply watching her calmly take out her chequebook, write a cheque, and say, "Thank you" made me feel calm myself: like I was a little kid and could trust this woman to tuck me into bed. Surely I would have good dreams if she told me a bedtime story and said, "Don't let the bed-bugs bite".

I love it when I encounter people who carry peace with them like that.
I hope someday I will be a bringer of peace, too.

Don't Let the Car Fool You

It's funny to me how life throws laughter and tears at you often in the same moment. Yesterday I got in my car and heard "I'm Walkin'" by Fats Domino come on the radio. (here it is on youtube!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMjnoaWnDZA
It made me smile, even as I sang along with the lyrics thinking of people I miss in my life, "I'm walking...I'm hoping that you come back to me. I'm lonely as I can be, I'm waiting for your company, I'm hoping that you come back to me....yes indeed." I sang to along, tapping the steering wheel, dancing (as much as you can in a car) and be-bopping along. It felt gloriously like summer, and I didn't care if anyone saw me singing to myself. I said a quiet prayer of gratitude for that moment of sunshine and fun and proceeded to buy a vegetarian burrito from Sharky's.

Not an hour later, I received an e-mail that brought a moment of solemnity and grief to my day.

Every once in a while, ACU sends out this "what's going on around campus" e-mail letter. I had received one earlier that day, which had a "With Sympathy" section. There were two people attached to ACU who had lost loved ones. One of them was my former Concepts of Heath and Fitness teacher. Her mother-in-law had died after an 18-month long battle with cancer. I felt a strange connection and immediately wrote her a short e-mail simply saying (for what it's worth) that I was sad to hear the news and praying for her family -- I especially wanted to say this because it had appeared to me, while in her class, that her family was particularly sweet and close. She responded with a very gracious and honest e-mail (which I read after eating my vegetarian burrito from Sharky's) about her connection to her mother-in-law and the pain her family was experiencing.

I haven't had anyone really close to me die. I don't know what it's like. And yet other important things in my life have "died". I've lost my church, New Life; said good-bye to, and lived far away from, many good friends and family; dealt with change I didn't want to face; felt confused, frustrated, exhausted and hurt... So, I suppose for these reasons, I really felt connected to her pain. Does that sound really self-centered and rude to anyone else? It does to me. How could I say I connect to her pain when I have no idea how she's really feeling? But I honestly couldn't help breathing in a bit of sorrow as I read: "We are deeply hurting, but rejoicing in the same breath. I hope I continue to carry her kind, christian spirit with me wherever I go. Thanks so much for taking the time to write."

I felt her resignation, exhaustion, and hope as if they were mine. And perhaps they are, in some strange way, shared. Perhaps when I experience pain or sorrow (or love or joy for that matter), I am simply dipping my toe into the pool of shared human experience. Perhaps we all are. Perhaps (I hope) I am, in some small way, living out Romans 12: Learning to, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

A few summers ago, I found myself comparing my life to my friend's life. Her life seemed so much better than mine and I was in danger of living in secret envy or bitterness. So I copied a large chunk of Romans 12 on a piece of cardboard and hung it on my wall. Reading it almost every day that summer really did help. It gave me the option to choose a less bitter, more humble and loving response to her success and joy. In turn, I was more content and found opportunities to gain success and joy for myself I might not have been open to, otherwise. Ever since then, I've tried to read Romans 12 to myself often, reminding me of the kind of person I want to be:

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. On the contrary:

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

A couple days ago, I was driving down Treadway Blvd. in Abilene and saw a bumper sticker on the back of an old car (I know very little about cars, but it looked kind of like my mother's old LeBaron we threw out in 1995). It was a bumper sticker I'd seen before, "Don't let the car fool you" it read, "my treasure is in heaven." "Who would put this bumper sticker on their car?" I wondered. As I drove by, I glanced at the driver. It was a woman who looked like a 60-year old child, eating a frozen ice-cream bar. There she was, driving down the street with her hair blowing in the wind, a crazy bumper sticker on her car, and she was eating an orange ice-cream bar. (Visions of Maude from "Harold and Maude" danced in my head.) Here was a lovely woman. She didn't have a great car, her hair didn't look perfect, but darn it, she was going to enjoy her ice-cream bar.

Sometimes life is not so great. Sometimes we experience pain and sorrow (and it really sucks) but I am inspired by the woman eating the ice-cream bar to embrace those hard moments of loss as well as the moments where Fats Domino sings. And when confronted with the option, to choose to bless and not curse. To overcome evil with good.

I am not redeemed by corruptible things.

I recently came across an old CD I hadn't really listened to since I was in high school. There are a number of great songs on the CD, but I especially was renewed by one titled "Incorruptible" by a band called Watermark. I leave the lyrics here in the hope that they will provide hope, peace, joy or whatever you heart needs this day.

incorruptible, indescribable
salvation's calling
when i was longing
now you're the strength that holds my life
with a love that will never die
and never fade like the flowers
it's a love that stands forever.

i am not redeemed by corruptible things
not by silver, not by gold
and not by aimless traditions
but by the blood of God's sacred son, Jesus.
O, you are now my living hope
and my inheritance is incorruptible

incomparable, inconceivable
your plans for me
shall always be
and for the day that you're revealed
my heart is forever sealed
with the promise of mercy
and the hope of all you glory.

O, i am not redeemed by corruptible things
not by silver, not by gold
and not by aimless traditions
but by the blood of God's sacred son, Jesus.
O, you are now my living hope
and my inheritance is incorruptible

O sacred son who paid the price
o may I live a grateful life
that magnifies your name, forever.

Play

The past four years I have been blessed by the Abilene Shakespeare Festival, and so am filled with excitement and gratitude as I prepare to, once again, participate in a production with this company. I have been asked to serve as Assistant Dramaturge for the ASF production of Henry IV pt. 1 (a play I didn't know much about, so I've learned a lot! :) ).

Yesterday, as I was doing research, reading from Harold C. Goddard's "The Meaning of Shakespeare", I was blindsided and inspired by his commentary on the character of Falstaff. Falstaff can -- and has been -- described as both a gluttonous, irresponsible and cowardly hedonist and a life-loving, witty gradfather. Scholars and theatre artist alike have long asked the questions Wikipedia (yes, I'm using that website...) asks, "What makes portly Sir John so entertaining? How is it, when his actions would repulse many in both a modern and medieval context, we find ourselves so attracted to this lying tub of lard?"

Goddard takes a crack at what it is about Falstaff that attracts us to him and, in the process, arouses in me a desire to live more fully. I have hope that his words might also encourage others so here, copied from the pages of his first volume of "The Meaning of Shakespeare", is Goddard's inspirational commentary:

"Is there any activity of man that involves the same factors that we find present in this Falstaff: complete freedom, an all-consuming zest for life, and utter subjugation of facts to imagination, and an entire absence of moral responsibility? Obviously there is. That activity is play.

Except for that little item of moral responsibility, “play” expresses as nearly as one word can the highest conception of life we are capable of forming: life for its own sake, life as it looks in the morning to a boy with “no more behind/But such a day to-morrow as to-day,/And to be boy eternal,” life for the fun of it, as against life for what you can get out of it – or whom you can knock out of it. “Play” says what the word “peace” tries to say and doesn’t. “Play” brings down to the level of everyone’s understanding what “imagination” conveys to more sophisticated minds. For the element of imagination is indispensible to true play.

Play is not sport. The confusion of the two is a major tragedy of our time. A crowd of fifteen-year-old school-boys “playing” football on a back lot are indulging in sport. They are rarely playing. The one who is playing is the child of five, all alone, pretending that a dirty rag doll is the right mother of a dozen infants – invisible to the naked eye. Even boys playing war, if they are harmonious and happy, are conducting an experiment in peace.

Play is the erection of an illusion into a reality. It is not an escape from life. It is the realization of life in something like its fullness. What it is an escape from is the boredom and friction of existence. Like poetry, to which it is the prelude, it stands for converting or winning-over of facts on a basis of friendship, the dissolving of them in a spirit of love..."

New

(I began writing this blog in January...It's now March...I haven't been very good about keeping up...)

26 January marked The Chinese New Year. 2009 isn't yet a month old (see, January...). 5 weeks ago, I wasn't 24. Just over two months ago, I didn't know if I would spend January 5 traveling to Seattle, Rwanda or working in Abilene. A lot has happened in the past 6 months of my life and a lot is new for me.

New Thing #1:
I've started working as the Administrative Coordinator for the ACU Theatre Department. I do lots of administrative things like filing, sending e-mails, creating sign-up lists, organizing schedules and making sure people get paid. There are so many people who are helping me learn how to do this job, and they are all really nice. I am tremendously grateful for them and their patience as I learn.

I have also been hired to direct a 25 minute production for the ACU Honors Murder Mystery Dinner. The show opened February 9 and all-in-all will present 5 shows to prospective students as well as ACU students, faculty and staff. The response has been good, and I'm proud of the way so many at ACU have worked together to make this happen. I have also begun work as Production Manager on the ACU Theatre's spring festival of 10-minute shows, Shorts!. I am organizing 11 student directors who will be directing 11 different plays. It's a large, department production and I'm honored to be working on it -- I hope I can rise to the occasion and do what needs to be done! I've already learned a lot as I've gone about this process!

New Thing #2:
I have moved into a new house. It's a two bedroom duplex with a living space, kitchen and reading room (YES!). Currently I'm living alone (because my best friend who WILL be living with me in August is in Bangladesh), but have great friends who make sure I'm not too lonely. I’m living right down the street from my former roommates and there is a house behind mine in the alley and a friend of mine, Kate, moved in there at the same time I moved into my house. It's great to know my neighbors and feel safe in my house.

New Thing #3:
My church, New Life church of Christ, closed her doors in December. I went to church there almost the entire time I've been in Abilene. The people of New Life I've met there have had a profound impact upon my life and I can't tell you the grief I feel as I think about the end of that church. So, I'm church hopping now: not quite ready to commit to a new one, but getting more and more used to the idea of a different church community. One thing I am really grateful for is that my friend group from New Life hasn't scattered. We still meet together to sing, eat and share about our lives at least twice a week. This is good for my soul.

I've not normally done well with new things. Change is hard for me. I was born 2 weeks late and only greeted the world because the doctor threatened to induce labor and force me out. I stood on the sidelines watching my friends play soccer for a whole season (much to my father's chagrin) before I jumped in to play with them. Once I decided to play, I played with all my might: I ran as fast as I could, kicked as hard as I could, played goalie with all my heart even though I was terrified every time I pulled the "goalie jersey" on.

One of my favorite historical figures is John Adams (that's another blog all together). Besides being an actual human being, he is also the main character in the musical 1776. At the end of the show, he has a realization that pushes him to make the final decision of the play. His wife, Abigail reminds him of something he had said to her, "There are only two people of value on the face of the earth" he said, "those who have a commitment and those who require the commitment of others". I must say I cling to the idea of commitment. Once I decided to come out into the world (my parents can attest to this) I didn't kid around about living. Once I decided to put on that goalie jersey, I did it all the way.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always wait for me to stand on the sidelines for a whole season. I've often, recently, found myself overwhelmed by life: like I'm not quite ready to pull on the goalie jersey but it's being handed to me and there's a ball coming right for my face. Other times, I'm ready: I'm taking the leap of commitment but others don't share my enthusiasm and I find myself grasping alone, wondering if this commitment is, indeed, worth it.

I console myself by thinking that this change won't last forever. Someday stability will come and I'll be able to rest in my commitments, knowing I'm ready and have good support around me. I think, this is just a phase. There HAS been a lot of change in my life. I hear being in your 20s is hard, anyway. Perhaps I will magically feel better when I turn 30. : ) In the meantime, I'm searching for greater stability in the sea of change and listening to this song over and over: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCbuqXZ0Gfo&feature=related

It is "Abide With Me", and reminds me of the Rock that is higher than I.

In case there are others who, reading this, find themselves in this strange, 20-somethings fog, I've listed some other songs that have been helpful to me. They have replayed over and over again on my computer at work (hopefully they haven't been loud enough to annoy my co-workers... :) )

Cat Steven's On the Road to Find Out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ--odAAA1A
Cat Steven's Don't Be Shy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNA5Hw8jlWM
Cat Steven's The Wind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf0VP01JauQ
(I had a good Cat Steven's Day)

Melanie's Look What They've Done to My Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iamNec8kl2o&NR=1